It would be nice if you could give the story a kind of “natural flow”. when i open a story, i tend to look at the scroll bar for a quick reference to see how long it is before i read it. XXX But it’s a nice try. in the end, it makes it a lot hotter for the reader. the formatting was good and the paragraph length was good. Flesh it out a bit. the formatting was good and the paragraph length was good. Also character descriptions would probably be a good idea, it doesn’t have to be: “5’5″ tall, 130 pounds, blue eyes, etc” but some kind of description would be nice, maybe just work it into the story.
Actors:
Suzie Sun
